Getting through the days

  25th April should have been our 25th wedding anniversary.  You can bet that David would have been making a very big deal out of it somehow - a party, perhaps, or a very special treat for the two of us.  Somehow, I've always managed to miss out on celebrating "milestone" events.  And I've always promised myself that I'd make up for it at the next one.   The one event that he did manage to make very special for me was my 60th birthday. I knew he had something up his sleeve when he didn't ask me if there was anything I'd like for my birthday.  I just kept quiet, trusting he had something in mind - a surprise party, maybe?  His father nearly gave the game away by asking when I was going flying.  I brushed it off, deciding to not mention the incident - then his dad repeated the question to David, in my presence. David and his dad doing karaoke "their way" David was furious with his father.  After we'd gone home, he got back in the car and w...

...of the rest of my life. Strictly speaking, I've still got the best part of two weeks to go before I officially leave the world of work behind, but on Friday I handed in my laptop and staff pass and walked out of the building for the last time.  The mug in the picture retired with me.  I bought it in 2004, to fit in with the colour-coded section of the Contact Centre where I was then working.  The sections were decorated in blue or purple, along with a vivid pink section nicknamed "Barbie's Castle".  All I can say is that this is what happens when you allow a committee of staff representatives to choose the decor. I bought the mug in Whittard's in Swansea and it's come with me at every move since.  I reckon it deserves its honourable retirement.  It's traditional to have a whip-round when someone leaves and I asked anyone who wished to contribute to a gift for me to donate the money to Cancer Research instead. They raised over £150, plus Gift Aid on top ...

 It's Christmas afternoon/early evening and I'm knackered.  Sorry about the language,  but it's the only word that will do. I'm bathed and in my nightie and the Strictly Come Dancing Christmas Special hasn't even started yet.  So what, gentle reader, has led me to this pass?  Gather ye round... I'll be honest, I really wasn't looking forward to this Christmas.  In 2019, David was in hospital over Christmas, so it's the third one I've spent alone.  Blissed out on heavy-duty painkillers post-op  That's been by choice, by the way - I've had several invitations to Christmas Dinner from family and friends.  Christmas Day was always for just the two of us, to do as we pleased, watch what we wanted on TV, eat and drink what we liked.  Boxing Day we visited family, and Christmas Eve we were At Home to any friends who cared to drop in. David's parents were regulars and the event featured karaoke and cocktails.   David and his dad beltin...

  Two years.  Two whole years, and it feels like yesterday. I t's been a year since I last posted on this blog.  I started it as a way to help me cope with the overwhelming loss and grief I experienced in the days following David's death.  I find I no longer need to do that, so I haven't posted - and this blog is for me, so that's the way it is.  Two years on, it still seems totally preposterous that he's gone, but carrying on living is getting a bit easier.  Some things still hurt a bit  - like the picture that I hung in the hallway (because that's where my art gallery is, as I can't think of anywhere else to put it).  He wanted it in the living room, so while he was in hospital I moved it. It makes me sad that he didn't get to see it.  (And now I come to think about it, a medium gave me a message about a picture being put where it belongs and the penny just dropped!) And TV shows that he didn't get to see - he'd've loved Loki and Strange Ne...

It’s been a year since my whole world fell apart.   The first raw wounds have healed over, although it still seems preposterous that he’s not around.  A big part of my life has been torn away, and I am learning to live without it - but it will always be missing. My world is being rebuilt, in a somewhat different shape.  Some things are still painful - I can't watch some TV programmes because they were so much a part of our daily routine.  I'm talking about the quiz programmes that are on ITV at teatime, things like t he Chase or Tipping Point .     It hurts that we won't be doing some of the things we were looking forward to doing together, like going to see the next Dr Strange film, or taking our Silver ballroom dance tests.   Twelve months ago, I held David’s hand and looked into his eyes as, around us, doctors and nurses were moving swiftly and purposefully and the numbers on the monitor went in the wrong direction. I whispered in hi...

It's been a while since I sat down to update this blog.  Where have I been?  Well, nowhere much - however, I've been filling my free time with other stuff, mostly making things.  And I've been learning to code - I know, at my age! - which both fascinates and frustrates me.   Anyway, I've decided that it's high time to shape myself and write another instalment.   David was a Billy Joel fan.  Billy Joel more or less passed me by - I knew Uptown Girl and Piano Man but that was about it.  In the early days of our relationship he wrote out the words of "She's got a way" for me.  (Did I write the lyrics of a song for him?  Yes, I did, but I'm not telling you what it was!) He was thrilled to get tickets to see Billy Joel at the NEC in 2006.   We set off mid-afternoon, heading for the Premier Inn where we'd booked a room - it seemed like a good idea not to rush back immediately after the concert.  It turned out to be just as ...

I started this blog as therapy to help me manage the overwhelming grief of losing David.    Bringing to mind the  happy memories and sharing them has helped me - and some people have been kind enough to say they enjoy reading them.  If I'm not writing often, it's because I haven't felt the need, although I do plan to keep posting, in my erratic, rambling fashion. The past few weeks haven't been easy, though, and this time I'm not writing much about happy memories but more about what's been going on lately (normal service will be resumed next time). I'm not a royalist by any means (although I do have an extensive knowledge of the history of the royal family, courtesy of Dr Lucy Worsley, historical documentaries and   The Crown ) but I felt for the Queen at Prince Phillip's funeral.  She looked so lonely and frail. It brought back the way I felt in the days immediately following David's death, when the grief was very, very raw and it did upset me.  ...

I've been neglecting this blog lately, and for that I apologise.  Apart from my day job (I'm working from home) I've been doing my best to keep myself busy with creative stuff ( I hope that mask wearing remains a fashion even after the pandemic is a distant memory, I've put so many images and slogans onto masks, I've now got some that are double-sided).   I had my first Covid vaccination a couple of weekends ago, at the mass vaccination centre in the Orangery at Margam Park, and I couldn't help thinking about the time we went ghost hunting in Margam Castle.   We were both interested in the paranormal and the popularity of TV programmes like Most Haunted led to the set up of companies offering ghost hunts - so of course, we signed up for any we could find within striking distance.  The actual itinerary varies slightly from company to company, but generally, you get taken on a tour of the venue and told the history and legends of the place, before being let l...

We had a few excursions to A & E over the years we were together.  Once it was on my account, when I cut my hand on a broken glass.  Mostly, it was David who was the patient .  There was the time when he tripped over an uneven paving stone on the first day of our summer leave and broke  a bone in his ankle, only the hospital said it wasn't.   We duly went  on our few days away and walked (or in David's case, limped) all round York.  On our first day back at work, David got a phone call from the hospital - "We've had another look at those x-rays and we think you've broken a bone in your ankle".  When I went to collect him at the end of the day he was in a plaster cast from the knee down. Our next run-in with the NHS was when he managed to put his kneecap out of joint while turning off the TV. I should say at this point that he had hyper-motile cartilage in his knee - in other words. the "elastic" holding his kneecap in place was loose...

  After our half-Persian cat, Angel, had to be put to sleep when he became ill suddenly, David and I were bereft.  We agreed that we wanted to get a kitten as soon as possible.  We'd been very taken with Angel's placid personality, a characteristic of the Persian, and we decided that we'd like another Persian. After some searching, we found a breeder in Somerset who had two kittens for sale - a tom and a queen, and we were originally attracted to the tom - however, someone else saw the kittens before we did and they chose the boy.  Accordingly, we went off to Somerset to view the little queen with her family. David picked her up and she looked up at him - and from then on she was Daddy's Cat. Purebred cats are registered with an unique name, the first part of which indicates the breeder.  Mysti was originally called Callymicanti Bootylicious- however, the thought of the vet calling for Bootylicious Howell at her next visit persuaded me that the name had to be ch...

Well, that's 2020 over with and I think it's fair to say that it wasn't the best I've ever had. Her Majesty the Queen once famously had an "annus horribilis"  To quote Nev from the BBC programme The Call Centre, the past twelve months have been an "annus anus"  - I've had an arsehole of a year!    From the diagnosis of the first cancer in November, we staggered from shock to shock - we'd come to terms with one piece of bad news only to be hit with another blow.   This time I want to write a bit about David's illness and some of the dramas that resulted.  Perhaps I should warn people of a nervous disposition to look away now! In the week before Christmas, a colonoscopy revealed that David's large intestine was very close to becoming blocked.  David went into hospital for surgery on December 23.  He came through the four-hour operation well, and was discharged at the end of the week.  The following day we were back at the hospital at th...